I’m So Scared to Write a Screenplay

Maybe if I close my eyes, a screenplay will be there when I open them!

How does something I feel so passionate about scare me so much? Writing and telling stories have always been a massive part of my life. I remember creating comic books when I was younger and continued to excel in writing throughout my educational years, with it being the only subject that roused me. When I got into movies, I gravitated to each film's narrative aspect, wanting to dissect the stories that impacted me. Now, I am in college studying film and enjoying it so much. Yet, even with such a passionate connection to writing and my immense appreciation for film, something inside me is holding me back from writing my first screenplay. I am scared I won't be good enough. 

Don't get me wrong; I would love to write as many screenplays as possible for the rest of my life. It is something I want to make a living out of. Yet, is my writing good enough to live off of? I detest myself for asking that question because how do I know if I am good if I don't try? It's not like I haven't tried. I carry dozens of outlines of stories that are itching to be fleshed out fully into a final screenplay, but instead, they sit together in rows on my Google Docs homepage. Each one holds walls of text that contain character descriptions, plot points, soundtrack ideas, and so much more that all have the great potential to come together to make a movie script. Yet, my fingers are too timid to attempt the final step. 

The stories trapped in my mind are like memories of a life I lived in the past; some are honestly that personal. I always thought, "Is that the problem? Am I scared to write these stories because they are too personal? Am I living the life of Andrew Scott in All of Us Strangers (unfortunately, minus Paul Mescal being by my side 24/7)?" The stories being personal is not a problem, as my professor told me that having that connection gives beauty to the screenwriting. It is me holding onto these worries of skepticism that is doing the damage. How do I let go of all my worries and heal my insecurities and fears? 

Writing this out and publishing it will help me a lot because this issue is something I must confront. Sometimes I cringe when I get too personal like this because some people might read this and be like, "He's scared of…writing a screenplay?" I swear, though, it is a real feeling I have! Bringing it back to the solution, I am making a promise to myself that I will get my first screenplay completed. I will not push it back any longer because that is not doing me any favors. Maybe I'll give little updates in my monthly wrap-up posts about where I am at with writing, as it'll give me that perseverance to keep going. There is beauty in writing, and I want to showcase that. So, let me put my fears away and write a screenplay.