Love Is Totally Fucked Up
How Gregg Araki's "Totally Fucked Up" explores the intricacies and challenges of love.
“I believe in love! I mean, there’s gotta be something for people to cling to besides TV, right?”
What is love, anyway? It’s an apparent theme throughout cinema, grasping onto the minds of viewers in a way where these depictions start to infiltrate their own ideas of what love is. Movies and TV shows have done irreparable damage to the people of the world, instilling this idea that love will come in all shapes and sizes when you least expect it, and it might possibly be the love you have been searching for your whole life. It’s totally fucked up, but oh, it’s so addicting.
In 1993, Gregg Araki explored the concept of love through a group of teenagers in his film Totally Fucked Up. It contains an array of characters, including four gay men and a lesbian couple, each dealing with their own lives and how the romance they seek affects them. I find myself so drawn to this film, constantly thinking about it since I first watched it over a year ago. We are brought up to love and think a certain way through various outlets. Parents instill traditional lifestyle ideas, and movies promote their own love propaganda. When we disregard that sentiment, we become a new version of ourselves and set a precedent for what life can be. Yet, the values of a more traditional life still hold, such as love.
It’s interesting because the portrayal of the dating sphere in the film feels so similar to how it feels to put yourself out there now. The main character, Andy, dwells on the idea of who he loves and his queerness. He is single, just kinda going through the motions of life. He hasn’t found someone to settle down with, but he doesn’t even know if that is what he wants. Yet, he does know he doesn’t like the gay culture of hookups, as he expresses his awkward thoughts on gay sex and hopping from guy to guy. Then, he meets Ian, and the two instantly click. Andy and Ian go on multiple dates, and Andy even sleeps at his place from time to time. He found a love he never really knew he needed, and he prays he never lets it get away from him.
Andy is one of those film characters that I see myself in, feeling a strong connection to the craftsmanship Araki placed into building who the character is. For a long time, I did not know what I was looking for in love. Much of my idea of the topic stemmed from the movies and shows I watched. Add that with the open conversation of how a chunk of gay culture is hooking up and secret affairs, and you have this fabricated idea of what love could be. When I watched Queer late last year, this sentiment about how the adoration of someone takes different forms struck me hard, and I wrote a whole piece on that as well. The ideas of one-night stands are certainly not shameful, as another character in Totally Fucked Up, Tommy, gets his love fulfillment by sleeping with all these random men. His joy in it satisfies him, as he doesn’t need anything more. Yet, that style is just not for everyone, like Andy.
It’s hard to find out what people want these days, and this is not just a gay problem. I know I’m talking about a movie about a bunch of gay guys, but I hear similar issues when it comes to straight couples as well. I have friends tell me their stories where their partner isn’t satisfied, or there is a rift in the relationship that causes one-sided doubt of the situation they are in. In the film, Deric and Steven are a couple that deal with these issues. Deric is giving all of his love to Steven, truly seeing himself with this man for the rest of his life. Steven, on the other hand, has some doubts about his love for Deric. He loves being with Deric, caring about him so deeply. Yet, there is a part of Steven that holds back from wanting to spend the rest of his life with Deric. So, being the dumbass Steven is, he cheats on Deric. The infidelity hurts, but a person cannot regulate the feelings of another. Life must lead its course, with the only control a person has being the control of their own lives.
It’s amusing because there’s a couple that’s deeply in love in this film. Michele and Patricia are a lesbian couple who desire to have a child together and live blissfully for the rest of their lives. I always found their inclusion in the story to play into the jokes and stereotypes that lesbians go on one date and then move in with each other. More deeply, however, the duo shows that women are just more emotionally available. Even some gay men still struggle to express those loving notions that make the heart flutter and open this other person into their mind and soul. You can’t change the norm.
The idea of finding an intimate love is always going to be challenging, but I feel like it’s more complicated than ever with the numerous dating apps, the growing loneliness epidemic, and the increasing complexity of human emotions. Gregg Araki’s Totally Fucked Up doesn’t really offer a cure for this issue because not everyone views it as a problem. He offers a variety of perspectives through this array of characters. I see love as totally fucked up because I see myself as more of an Andy. Yet, someone reading this might see themselves more as a Tommy or as a Steven. That’s the beauty of the film. It allows the audience to delve into their own world and pick apart the ideas they take away from the film. Even though the film is marketed as “another homo movie by Gregg Araki,” I genuinely believe this film has a beautiful depiction of various romances that anyone can relate to, no matter one’s sexuality. Love is totally fucked up, and there isn’t much we can do about it.